34 Comments
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Mary G's avatar

OMGOSH Ryan Gardner won!!!!!! Congratulations Ryan!!! 🎉

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Guttermouth's avatar

Now he can't use "I've never won anything in my life" for free handies at the bus stop anymore.

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Ryan Gardner's avatar

I didn't get your joke about making fun of my mom until I saw the post of your gear.

I'll buy some. LOL.

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Guttermouth's avatar

Dude, you won some. Didn't you see your email?

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Ryan Gardner's avatar

No. I own a couple business. I literally get 400 + emails/day.

I'll find it!

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Guttermouth's avatar

I sent it to the email you used for your substack account. Just search for Guttermouth, and let me know if your free merch code expired.

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Ryan Gardner's avatar

I located and I'm chuckling.

Let me see if it expired.

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Benjamin Bartee's avatar

"free Gutter shit" is a fantastic marketing phrase

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Guttermouth's avatar

All purchases are either self love or self loathing.

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la chevalerie vit's avatar

If only the mug came with integrated bubble wrap to simulate monkey-pox, puss-filled as an upgrade of course.

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Guttermouth's avatar

Go to an orgy and make your own, you lazy turd.

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Dr. K's avatar

GM, Lol...this is too funny. I have a lifelong history of never winning anything. Now I may have to go buy a lottery ticket.

The best thing I have learned about Substack is that it gives voice to people like you who have lots to say but who would otherwise likely not be heard. This country has been missing such a platform for a very long time -- this was what the Internet was supposed to be about when it was formed, but it soon was commandeered so I am thrilled to see people like you writing what you do.

Having said that, and having written hundreds of papers (and a book you do not want to read -- boring) I know that writing takes a lot of time and effort. That is time you cannot spend doing something that might put food on the table. So if you can have/do both and I can contribute, that is a win-win so I am delighted to be your "Founding Subscriber"! (Reminds me of the Family Guy episode where they are playing the WNBA championship and a team scores. The announcer says "And the fan goes wild" (or something close) and the pan to the audience is just of Peter, all alone, in the stands.)

So thanks for the prize (now I have to make the difficult selection decision -- oh my) and keep on assaulting the system -- it needs it. And I shall give the coffee cup a place of honor -- No one drinks more coffee than I do. (Did you know the health benefits of coffee? They are legion, and many are dose related, so I am just being healthy drinking all that...lol.)

Waiting with bated breath for the next missive.

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Guttermouth's avatar

I am actually aware! I was in grad school while the studies were being done about the impact of polyphenols on breast cancer risk reduction so I was following it from a distance on the university library. The reliable results only seemed to come from high daily dose (one study said 3+ cups a day, another was more conservative in 6+ cups a day), which is fine as I get through about a pot a day. There are many, many other health benefits, too, so I am an utterly insufferable combatant when someone gets on me to "quit for my health."

Thank you again for your support and wonderful words.

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Rikard's avatar

Huge Cheshire-cat grin on my face after reading this, thanks for that!

That far-right extremist t-shirt... oh my stars and garters. Natural 20 on that one.

Here's a beer and pretzels drinking game: assign alignments to public figures.

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Jim Marlowe's avatar

Congrats to Dr K and Ryan Gardner. I believe Mr. Gardner is subscribed to every Substack. He must be fabulously wealthy. I pay enough attention to know he is a year older than me, but I won't reveal our ages other than noting I saw Goonies in the theater.

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Bandit's avatar

Gross, you watched "Goonies!" 😉😊😋

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Jim Marlowe's avatar

Go Hoosiers!

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Bandit's avatar

IU SUCKS!

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Kimry's avatar

I'm wiping the tears from my eyes from laughing uncontrollably from your response to Ryan. OMG, too funny

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Guttermouth's avatar

The real story is that Ryan and I actually met on another stack by getting into a really nasty argument of the kind that I am very prone to starting when I get Freedom Rage and brawled long enough for me to realize that we were on the same side and got really friendly and he was like "holy shit you have a substack."

So basically the story I told you.

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Kimry's avatar

You had me until the bar catching fire.

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Guttermouth's avatar

Holy crap, really?

You made my night to know I made someone laugh that hard. Seriously.

Out of gratitude, why not buy a shirt or something? :)

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Kimry's avatar

Well, I started to doubt when Ryan threw the glass, but the rest? It's Cambodia

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Ray's avatar

hes always in titty bars!

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The Ungovernable's avatar

I'm just here for the ATM stories*

*Def not where you get your money....well, not me anyway...

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Guttermouth's avatar

Fun fact: I have smacked everyone who has ever said "ATM machine" to me who has not corrected themselves after I politely point out the error and encourage them to do so.

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Guttermouth's avatar

But holy shit do I have a doozy of an ATM story. Essay first, though.

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The Ungovernable's avatar

Marriage material!

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Randall Thomas's avatar

ATM: when they appeared in the mid seventies, they were better known in my circle of friends as “tit-less tellers”.

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Perplexity's avatar

That sounds like such a crock. No way you got ALL THAT done before the bull semen thawed!

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Guttermouth's avatar

Liquid nitrogen, sweet thing.

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Perplexity's avatar

Suuuuure

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Perplexity's avatar

And liquid nitrogen is readily available to hotheads couriering bull semen in Cambodia?

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