Mocking Old Man Game Results
You Could Already Be A Weiner!
The Gutter Official Merch Spokesman, Chunk, thought all your memes sucked, but we had to pick one.
My week has been fucking horrible, but I’ll save that for a separate thing.
First order of business:
The “What do we call people on The Gutter” poll wasn’t decisive enough for my tastes. I thought about redoing it with ranked-choice voting, and then maybe a round of mail-in voting just to confirm.
The votes were strongly divided between Gutterites, Gutterscum, and Guttersnipes (as a write-in ballot), and, just like in Real Life, people really disliked the ones they didn’t vote for.
To teach you all a valuable lesson about democracy, I’ve decided to vivisect the baby on this one and go with a different option entirely- everyone wins because all of your opponents lose! Guttermouth for Regional Warlord ‘28: I Promise I Will Never Ever Lie.
So, you’re now all... Gutterballs. Besides rewarding everyone equally with what they didn’t ask for, let me explain my reasoning.
It’s already a word about bowling, something the Mouth clan already does a fair amount of, so it will tickle your brains as an already recognizable word. It also has the word “balls” in it, which joins several other much-beloved references to reproductive and excretory parts as being some of the most useful words in English.
Also, maybe I’ll do a merch design about obesity with “Better a Gutterball than a Butterball.” Or maybe not.
One thing that WASN’T terrible about my week was the participation from Gutterballs (see? you’re getting used to it already) near and far in the Mocking Old Man Game, and oh man I just realized I could have done a thing with The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, but the contest is over and I’m too goddamned busy today.
Of the usable entries, behold, your competitors:
Of Riggery Pokery fame, Rudolph Rigger uses his adroit knowledge of mid-20th century English fantasy and wordplay to cast previously-impossible doubt on the fact that he has- apparently- had sex with a woman several times and reproduced.
From Clancy M we have this little number, simultaneously trashing The Lion King AND Ghostbusters 2- so, yay- with “awesome” and “highly skilled” Photoshop work that “clearly took a lot of time and effort.”
From la chevalier vit, we have this nice side-by side demonstration of squashed-aspect-ratioed images of an insane cartoon character and also Elmer Fudd.
From the mysterious codex redux, who defied several forms of birth control to be with us today, we have this concise little number, which gets this concise little review.
¡Andrew the Great!, who we all love to hate, was all like, “I can’t really meme” and “I don’t know what I’m doing lol” and “I sold your credit card and pics of your daughter on the darkweb” busted out this beauty, and would like everyone to know that he meant to include the caption “Demented Man In The High Castle,” but apparently was too fucking busy to write it himself.
A lot of you didn’t notice that MSNBC, in addition to editing the Blood Ravens Red lighting effects into nice, inoffensive Hawk Lords Violet, also edited out the dongs that Biden was holding in his hands the entire time, but ZHcommenter, a total crypto d-bag utterly unrelated to The Hedge (no, for rizzo, don’t bother him) did. And so his mission begins.
boeddica, while taking a break from her real-life role as a traveling soup kitchen critic, did a Best Of captioning tour, blending all the greatest hits of Brandon’s speeches from the 80s, 90s, and today, and also said “covfefe.”
And the winner is… ZHcommenter! ZHcommenter, Loki smiles upon you this day. You’ll receive a private email with the code for one free thing, plus shipping, on Check My Privilege, the official merch outlet of The Gutter.
Runners up will receive 15% off in perpetuity with the discount code BUTTHOLE, which is the same thing everyone else gets all the time, but insert rant about participation trophies here.
A lot of folks couldn’t or wouldn’t participate because they said they “couldn’t meme,” or didn’t really understand how it works, and that is totally uncool, because memes belong to EVERYONE, and just like guns, everyone should have one and know how to use it effectively (and, I guess, safely, if you want, but the meme comparison starts to break down there).
Crash course in meme-ing:
Visit https://imgflip.com/memegenerator, probably the most popular meme creator.
If you were participating in this contest, you’d be using the Brandon speech photo I distributed, so you’d right click on the image in my post, do “Save as…” and save it to your computer. Otherwise, just pick one of the popular meme templates already on imgflip (just browse the page). In this case, though, you’d select “upload new template” and select the Brandon photo you saved to your computer.
Then, caption your meme! Put your pithy words in the Text #1 and/or Text #2 boxes and watch it populate your image! AMAZING.
Click “generate meme” and you’ve got an image you can save, copy, or rub against your genitals and then delete. Up to you. It’s your public library, not mine.
If anyone needs help with this, ask! This is a great way to be heard, and is really not that hard. I WILL make fun of you for asking, but I will also help, which is completely fair.
Anyway, a great thanks to everyone who participated. You are the future, or some shit.
When in doubt, Steve Gutenberg. But I am so very proud of all the highlighted contestants! You all are the true spirit of America!
I love the choice of Gutterballs. It is both my bowling ability and now my Internet clan name.
i selected didnt know how but i could have easily figured it out, i guess i saw all the funny ones online already and the only thing i could think of was to add a couple of star wars emperors guards. really not that funny and knew others would do better, they didnt disappoint.